Posted by Sam at September 24th, 2006

Scientists have actually created a machine that they plan on using to make small black holes. They will also be making small reproductions of the big bang.

Now, don’t get me wrong - I love science as much as the next guy. Particle accelerators are cool, and black holes are fun and all that. But let’s be serious - do we want a black hole sitting on the surface of our planet? I mean, isn’t that - I don’t know - sort of dangerous?

There are two things that could happen:

1. A black hole forms. It’s incredible density causes it to fall through the ground like a bowling ball falling from the sky. It falls all the way to the center of the earth, consuming everything in its path, and continues moving until it reaches the other side. It will then change directions and do it all over again going the other way.

This will continue until it has consumed so much of the earths mass into a very small point that it gets too heavy and sits right in the middle of the earth, eventually sucking everything else into it’s core. Life as we know it will be reduced into something slightly bigger than a single mathematical point. If you thought getting all those clowns in such a small car was impressive, wait until you see this! (Note, you probably won’t see it since the light around you will be being sucked into the black hole. Also your eyes will be being sucked into the black hole along with the rest of you).

2. A black hole forms. It quickly goes away.

It is important to note that I didn’t make up the first scenario. It is actually possible that we will see that played out when they switch this machine on next year. Granted, the calculated risk of such an event is 1 in 10^-40. That means if you place a bet of $1 with a bookie that the earth will be destroyed, and it actually happens - he’ll owe you $10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. How could you NOT place that bet? In fact, I think I’m going to start up a new website to place bets on the earth being destroyed.

For those of you out there who have made plans beyond a year, don’t worry - the machine will actually take something like 20 years to complete its experiment. You may still have time to travel to world and/or raise a kid before the earth gets sucked into itself.