I recently went to the doctor to obtain some kind of relief from my horrific allergies. We went through the usual list of medication I had already tried in the past. Finally he suggested I try something called Singulair. Being a big fan of the phone company, I decided that I would give it a try.

Don't ask me why, but for some reason I actually decided to read the little pamphlet that came with the Singulair my doctor gave me. I especially enjoy drug symptoms for a little light reading. Here is the "less common side effects" from Singulair:

There are a few side effects that I would like to discuss. Let's start right in the middle with ... what's this? Hepatitis. Yes, Hepatitis. How on earth could an allergy drug give you hepatitis? Realizing that my understanding of what Hepatitis is might just be wanting, I visited the Wikipedia page for Hepatits.

Well I found that my understanding of Hepatitis isn't really off, and I'm still wondering how on earth Singulair could give you Hepatitis? Did one of the people who tested it contract Hepatits during the testing period, and so they had to write it in as a side effect? Maybe they should use less skeezy people for drug testing. Ha, just kidding - we all know the kind of people who volunteer for that kind of stuff, and quite frankly I'm surprised there are not more weird diseases in the side effects.

While visiting the Hepatitis page, I did notice something else interesting. Check out one of the symptoms of Hepatitis:

That's right, folks, defecation is one of the side effects of hep. Have you defecated recently? You might have hepatitis. They might as well write down breathing as a symptom too, because I've never met someone with hep who wasn't also breathing!

Anyway, on to some of the more exciting side effects. The next one that stood out to me was hallucinations. The warning sheet then goes on to define hallucinations as "seeing things that are not there." They're really not giving their patients much credit if they think they need to define hallucination.

But that's besides the point. The point is that this allergy medication can cause hallucinations. As I was reading this rap sheet to my coworkers, they all seemed really interested in allergy medication after I read the hallucination part. Suddenly they all began getting allergy symptoms and asking to try my medication. It was crazy.

Pins and needles, bad/vivid dreams, and aggressive behavior are all also listed as side effects. Combined with the hepatitis and the hallucinations, I'd say you could maintain the appearance of a regular drug addict with this stuff - not to mention all the defecation!

The last interesting symptom is the second one - allergic reaction. I haven't considered the possibility that and allergy medicine could cause allergies, but I guess it makes sense. I mean, people are allergic to just about anything - why not the very thing that is supposed to get rid of allergies?

I haven't experienced any of these crazy side-effects, fortunately. But I am going to continue taking the medication in hopes of hallucinating a 6-foot tall rabbit named Harvey.