Posted by Sam at January 24th, 2007

Flying, laser vision, super strength - those are all old hat. I mean, every super hero can do those. If a super hero doesn’t want to follow the crowd, he should cultivate one of these super powers:

Slam Dunking

Think about it! A super hero who can slam dunk can do just about anything. I’m talkin’ kiss the rim, twiser, windmill, toss slam, Dr. J. Jam, skim the rim, back slam, statue of liberty, air jordan, and the 2 handed hammer. If an evil villain throw a bowling ball with a candle sticking out of it, you can slam dunk it right back into his face.

The ability to blow up the world

When all else fails, you can win any battle by blowing up the world.

Extra fingers

With extra fingers, you can play the piano like a madman. The one downfall is if you get caught by an evil doer who tortures people by cutting off their fingers one by one. It could take a while, and would result in extra pain for you.

Low price radar

Falling prices at Wal*Mart? The ability to detect where one can get the lowest prices locally on goods and services would be a godsend. Your arch nemesis would be a bargain hunter who has to go store to store the old fashioned way.

Jedi phone powers

Every time you have to talk to your cellphone company, your doctor, or any other bill collector who is trying to rip you off, you could activate your Jedi phone powers and convince them that you either don’t exist, you’re not the droid they are looking for, or that you simply don’t owe them any money. Jedi phone power man is good at finding loopholes and threatening lawsuits. He’s also good for getting retail stores to take things back without a restocking fee.