Recently, two church handbooks were published via the popular site Wikileaks. In what was no doubt a knee-jerk reaction from the lawyers that the church employs and probably not the church leadership, a cease and desist was immediately sent, asking for the material to be taken down.

It seems obvious for anyone who spends time on the Internet that trying to get documents removed from the net is like trying to take the pee out of the pool. You’d have to drain the whole thing - and since you can’t drain the Internet you pretty much have to roll with the punches on this one. Sorry guys, that’s just the way it is.

For reference, this is how things work in Internet land:

Church: Hmm… We want to keep this document somewhat private
Wikileaks: Hey everyone! Look at this document that Church wants to keep private!
A few geeks: Hey, cool. I’m going to read that.
Church: Woah there! They don’t have a right to publish our copyrighted material!
Media: Hey everyone, check out this developing situation!
Everyone: Hey. cool. I’m going to read that.

So as you can see, reacting to the situation is only going to make it worse. It’s called the Streisand Effect.

Furthermore, Wikileaks is run by the same guys who run The Pirate Bay. It’s hosted in Sweden. Do a little searching on recent attempts to get them to take down material.

Here’s an idea. While the handbooks in question didn’t contain anything really that bad, why not get people reading a book that you’d actually want them to read? Here’s how:

1. Hire someone to publish inspiring talks, scriptures, etc. on Wikileaks. It’s not hard - “wiki” means anyone can publish stuff on there.

2. Make a big fuss about them publishing your content. Be sure to invoke the DMCA in your legal demands. This will make your claim even more ridiculous as the DMCA doesn’t even apply in Sweden - thus ensuring wider media coverage.

3. Everyone will suddenly want to read your “secret” documents.

Sunday school is so much more exciting when you think you’re reading “forbidden” documents!

I just wanted to write in with a great product idea that is so good I’m sure you won’t be able to resist it. I was just snacking on some golden puffs (the package said they were good for snacking - and it was right!), and it came to me.

People are always saying they love breakfast for dinner. You know, pancakes, eggs, bacon, the whole nine yards. Or, if you’re poor like me - cold cereal. And I don’t just love cold cereal for dinner, I love it for breakfast too. And sometimes lunch if I run out of Top Ramen.

So here’s my idea: dinner for breakfast! Think about it! It’s the next logical evolution in mixing up meals! Picture it: You’ve done breakfast for breakfast, you’ve seen breakfast for dinner, and now Malt-O-Meal presents Dinner for Breakfast!

You could have all sorts of varieties. A steak and potatoes dinner breakfast cereal could consist of little beef flavored corn pieces shaped like steaks (that’s an easy shape to make), and little marshmallowy potato pieces. Instead of milk, you could encourage kids to use A1 steak sauce (hey, cross branding opportunity!).

Other varieties could include “Pepperoni Pizza” with little pizza slices and round pepperoni (think cooke crisp-shaped), spaghetti and meatballs (the meat balls could be like crunch berries except meat flavored), and hamburger and fries (tons of cross-brand opportunities there - I’m sure McDonalds would be on board).

Then you could encourage kids to use an alternative to milk for each one. Liquid cheese for the pizza, speghetti sauce for the speghetti, and a milkshake for the burger and fries.

You’ve spent enough time immitating, Malt-O-Meal, it’s time to start innovating. I give you this idea free of charge, and will eagerly await the day that you bring dinner for breakfast to the mainstream.

Sincerly,

Sam Garfield

Here it is.

Yes, that is her catwoman comic book underneath. Don’t ask.

We are going to be watching this movie on Monday at Velour. I’d love it if you came.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
135 North University Ave. Provo
Monday, April 21st @ 8pm- $2

You soon realize that a Windows user calling a Mac user an elitist is just like a retarded person calling a super-genius elitist. It’s cute. No, really. If this was an episode of Full House and Michelle just told Uncle Jesse his music was immature, the audience would produce the very same “awwwwww….”

Okay, to be fair - that video was really old. It’s not like Microsoft is still so out of touch. Surely now they can afford to hire competent advertising agencies.

Ehh.. Nevermind.

Maybe for Apple’s next ad campaign they can just run Microsoft’s own advertisements.

Warning: the above videos are not suitable for people suffering from a heart condition, likelihood of aneurism, or anyone who is conscious. They should not have been watched.

Therefore, I give you part 1 in my 5.9 billion part series: People Who Shouldn’t Reproduce

Today’s person: Microsoft Zune.

“But wait!” you protest, “Microsoft Zune isn’t a person, it’s a portable media player!”

Oh, silly you. No, I’m not talking about the product from Microsoft, I’m talking about the dude whose name is legally “Microsoft Zune.” At least, it will be once the the judge approves it.

That’s right. There is a person on planet earth who is having his name changed to that of a unpopular product from an unpopular company.

The Internet has blessed us with a picture of Microsoft Zune, but I warn you - please sit down before viewing it and strap down all lose objects that might be used for bludgeoning yourself to death.

For those of you who are counting - yes, that’s two Zune-related tattoos. Apparently there is a third, but I really don’t want to know where that one is.

Fortunately, I think there is actually a very good chance that this kid won’t be producing any offspring. At least, not until they remove the requirement of having a consenting female partner. I don’t see a whole lot of girls jumping in line for the “Zune” surname.

In the unlikely event that Microsoft Zune does have a child - what would he name it? Maybe he could start with sizes - naming his first child 64GB then 128GB and so on. Or perhaps he’ll name his children after the available Zune colors: Black Zune, White Zune, Brown Zune (for the kid he knows is going to be as unpopular as he is).

If you are interested in reading the insane ramblings of Microsoft Zune and a bunch of people who seem to think he’s making a smart move with the whole name thing, you can go read his post in the Zunescene forum. But I warn you - if you’re allergic to retardation you should probably sit this one out.

This is good for two reasons:

1. You are deleting a file off of a removable disk.

A really annoying problem with OS X is that files are not deleted from a removable disk until you empty the trash. So if you’re trying to free up space on your 1GB thumbdrive, you’ll end up needing to empty your entire trash which you just might not want to do.

This is also good for circumventing the trash for any other large file. If you’re deleting files to free up space, it’s best to just delete them rather then delete them then empty your trash.

2. It shreds

Eat will shred documents (delete by overwriting). You cannot restore the files once they have been eaten. This is good for any type of sensitive documents.

Usage suggestion:

I like to keep eat up in my Finder toolbar like this:

You can put it there by simply dragging it up and hovering for a second or two.

Other features:

-Eat will warn you before permanently deleting files

-Clicking on eat (as opposed to dragging something onto it) will eat all the files in the trash (with warning).

This program is adapted from a script by Jayson Kempinger.

DOWNLOAD

That’s pretty snazzy, eh?

But wait! There’s more!

“More?”

Much more!

MS has launched a SMS search service much like Google’s (46645). You can now text search, queries, and yes - algebraic equations to 95483 (WLIVE) and get back the answers post haste. Follow that link to see what all 95483 can do for you (here’s a few: local search queries, reverse phone number lookups (!), area codes, word definitions, math calculations, spell-check, etc.)

I imagine this will be great news for any kid with a cellphone taking an Algebra test.

I’m particularly excited to be able to do reverse phone lookups. Next time someone calls me and I don’t have their number programmed in my phone, I can find out who they are by texting the number to WLIVE.

Despite the way I feel about Microsoft, their mobile guys are constantly impressing me.

Michelle has a warrant out for her arrest for not answering to a fix-it ticket, let’s blackmail her for free food!

Jake recently got back from driving across America. Again. For a kid who has free airline vouchers, he sure does drive across the country a lot.

Invisible shields can apparently keep 1,000 lbs. from breaking your precious phone. Thanks, Preston.

If you don’t get this then apparently you’re not in on the joke, but as Kris points out - Apple’s latest product hurts just a little.

Dan has been leaving the extremely tactical life of a Lovesac employee. Or, at least he did … one time … a long time ago.

It’s okay, Dave - we all make mistakes sometimes.

As Steve point out, Montel Williams is apparently super awesome.

McCall provides us with some useful blog-reading tips (and a bonus web-design tip). Read it, absorb it, love it.
You’ll go check out these hot new T-Shirt designs from Mr. Sandy if you know what’s good for you.

Tess reminds us that sometimes stock photos can be bad, and sometimes, they’re really bad.

At my house, we’re artists. That’s right, Dean and I know how to trace.

Jon waxes philosophical - to refurb or not to refurb, that is the question. Dude what’s with the grease stains on that pizza computer box?

Who killed the electric car, Lewis? I don’t know - but Tesla is bringing it back.

There is a lot of fun stuff going on over at the Bags’ blog. Especially if you like full-body mustaches.

In case you missed it, you never want to experience the wrath of Justin.

Cameron is still Goyin crazy.

That is all. If I missed you, please let me know because it might mean I don’t know where your blog is.