...it was always burning since the world was turning!

Oh .. hum. Well I don't follow the news much. The only things I hear about are the things big enough to spill over into other entertainment mediums such as the weird blogs I read, the cartoons I watch, or the back of my cereal box. What's this, Count Chocula is trapped in a tower and needs me to find 14 hidden marshmallows to escape? Egads, man!

Apparently California is on fire. I saw a science blog showing pictures of "the" fire from space, so I figured this must be something everyone already knows about. Since it's now 3 am and I can't sleep, I thought I'd look it up and see what was going on.

Wow. That's a big fire.

The story on Fox News, America's only trusted news source, claimed that this season of American Idol is going well and is on schedule to begin in January. Simon Cowell was unavailable for comment.

It also said something about the fires. Down there, at the bottom. No, keep scrolling - no not that story about "pop tart" Paris Hilton, keep going - there.

What I can't figure out is why god would smite the upper class white citizens of Malibu? I mean the humble people of New Orleans I can understand, but Malibu? Aren't those people rich enough to somehow buy their way out of disasters like this? There can be only one explanation: George Bush hates white people.

The story says that over 500,000 people were asked to evacuate their homes. FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND! That's like, the population of Wyoming - or the Orem Chinese Buffet on a Sunday. They interviewed a lady who lived in a mobile home park about how she had to just up and leave because the fires were coming.

Wait a minute. If there is one group of people who should not be too horribly affected by impending fires, it's people who live in mobile homes. Doesn't the first word, "mobile" give us any hints as to the permanence of their chosen place of residence? Why would you hop in the car and leave your mobile home, when you could just hop in your mobile home and leave with the whole thing?

The story also mentioned that there were 194,000 911 calls informing police and rescue crews of the fire. By my calculations, that means there are at least 193,999 stupid people in California.

911: Hello, 911 what's your emergency?
Caller: Hey I just wanted to let you know the ENTIRE WEST COAST IS ON FIRE!!!!!1!!1
911: Oh really? Oh my... This is the first I've heard of this. What's your address?
Caller: (Gives address)
911: Ok, we'll send someone right over
911 to police radio: All units, if you need to demolish a home to create a fire line, here's an address...

I think I'm going to call them tomorrow and let them know the fire is still raging. I'll also let them know about Pearl Harbor, just in case they haven't heard that it was bombed by the Japanese.

In all seriousness, this fire has truly been a tragic event for all those involved - and my heart goes out to everyone who has or will be forced to leave their homes and possessions behind. But there is a silver lining to the clouds of ash spewing over the pacific ocean - Mel Gibson was forced to leave his home! That's right, Mel Gibson! I knew god didn't like the passion!