Lose Weight Or Poop Your Pants
Posted by Sam at July 17th, 2007
I couldn’t believe this. Has anyone heard of Allî? It’s a new weight loss drug that blocks digestion of up to 25% of the fat you intake during every meal. If you eat more than 42 grams of fat in a day, guess what? That’s right, the drug makes you poop your pants.
“It’s so important to understand that you must adopt a low-fat, healthy lifestyle,” Jones says. “We call them treatment effects — that’s a signal for you that you’re not staying in the guidelines. What Alli will not do is make up for not living a healthy lifestyle.”
This is not a joke. Here’s some quotes from happy losers users:
“(I)’ve pooped my pants 3 times today, and sorry to get descriptive but it even leaked onto the couch at one point!”
“(Y)a know how when you start moving around in the morning ya pass a little gas. Well, I did and then went into the bathroom and to my horror I had an orange river of grease running down my leg.”
“I’m thinking that infant diapers might be a cheaper way to go, just use them as a large pad.”
“No pun intended, but I’m very anal about it, I started very cautiously, and I’ve just grown more and more comfortable with it, I just follow the diet. I knew I couldn’t go out and order hot fudge cake.”
So there you have it, the future of weight loss - pooping your pants when you cheat on your diet.
I’ve searched long and hard for a business model that would allow me to make money while making people poo their pants!
Dan
I think this sounds like a great weight loss plan. I think that if I knew that after I ate a really fatty burger I’d end up pooping my pants in the near future I would think very carefully about eating that burger.
I think it’s kinda like sex and std’s some people are going to think about sex with others knowing that the end result may be an std, on the other hand some won’t. That is why this diet wont work in the long run.
wantiNGWrath
easy fix: eat on the toilet.
Ben
i imagine this diet would not work so well for astronauts.
ginger
Yeah, this stuff is no joke. We sell it @ Target, and we were looking at one of the pamphlets while in the breakroom, and I had the entire room in hysterics reading off all the disgusting side effects of taking it and eating the wrong stuff. Here’s an idea…I dunno….maybe, um, getting on a treadmill? Only ordering one cheeseburger instead of 3? Huh.
Bri
GOD people really would go the extra mile just for being slim?!
I had the exact opposite problem i was just to dam skinny…
(not fat) LvL1201
This means that every fast food restaurant in the world is going to be teaming with fecal matter. I’m never sitting in a fast food seat again.
Shauvon
I saw the packaging for this stuff in the gast station garbage today..
I guess he/she didnt want anyone to know they crap their pants..
Brad
I saw the packaging for this stuff in the gas station garbage today..
I guess he/she didnt want anyone to know they crap their pants..
Brad
What the hell is wrong with the font on this page?
Roachmill
I would just like to say that it isn’t a new drug. It’s been around for years. It stopped selling very well as a prescription because of said side effects, so they decided to throw it on the over the counter line and get a few dollars out of all the idiots buying diet pills.
MrCling
Truly amazing to see what some will do in search of the “magic pill” to help you lose weight! I’m certainly not skinny or slender…my doc says I could stand to lose 25lbs…but I know how to get there and it means a change of lifestyle. Not some product that is likely to cause you extreme embarrassment. Unfortunately, the makers of this product will probably make a pretty nice profit from it.
Great post and interesting read! Thanks!
The Buffalo River
holy crap, they made a drug that turns you into me.
postelwait
I like to poop my pants, gotta get a bottle. Smear it all over my face and dance around, the next morning I’ll wake up and look like brad pitt.
adamThegreat
It states on their actual website “its probably a good idea to wear dark pants”
Avery
I would just like to say to the people that call me an “idoit” for buying weight loss pills, that obviously you are either skinny and don’t need to lose weight or you just don’t care and feel bad about it!! I’ve never tried alli but have been taking the pill Akavor and it really does suppress your hunger!! I had a sandwich byitself at 5 and its 12:21 now and I’m still not hungry!! I would reccomend it to anyone!!!
Amanda
imagine if your’re at a formal meeting and the “treatment effect” occur, i feel bad for that person and the seat.
harry