Orbitz is retarded: Manages to have no record of my flight the day after I spent an hour on the phone with them booking it. They insist on speaking to my bank and asking them to refund the money even though I don't want a refund - I want plane tickets!

After being disconnected, I call back and the new representitive says there is no problem with my tickets and gives me my confirmation numbers. So I get my money back and still have my tickets. Good move.

Comcast is retarded: Signs me up for a new Internet package costing $19/mo for 6 months. The data line is 6Mbps. Somehow, after my modem arrives (which I had to pruchase to get the deal), this plan no longer exists. It's now $29/mo for a 4Mbps data line. Hook. Line. Sinker.

To add insult to injury, they also never even hooked up my line or had any record that I had requested service a WEEK ago. Another day to wait. They also tried to charge me two hook-up fees instead of zero of them.

Time Traveler: Well, I think this just speaks for itself.

I retract my statement about the time traveler being retarded. He's awesome. I would go.

***Other companies and their retardation status: ***

DHL is not retarded. They got my package from Provo at 4pm yesterday to Texas by 10am this morning. They might be in cahoots with the time traveler.

Apple is on my watch list - they may or may not be retarded. Although they reported receiving my computer for repairs today, we'll see how long it takes them to fix it (if they fix it). Should I receive it before Friday with the problem fixed, they will most definately earn not retarded status.

Holly Holm is not retarded. She's not a company, but she did let me borrow her notebook while mine is away for repairs. In return, I am making it function properly for her.

Strange Monster is not retarded. After their order system fouled up my sizing information, they ended up being OUT of the size of shirt I had ordered. All they had was an XL.

The dude offered to cut the design out of the XL and sew it on to a medium for me. This even ended up being much cooler than the design would have been simply screen printed on. He almost certainly lost money on materials and time (the shirt was on sale for $8 to begin with), but they do business as I do business, so I will shop there again, and recommend them to my friends.

The shirt, by the way, has made me irresistable to women, given me super-human strength, and increased the size of my brain 10x. That last one is actually due to a brain tumor (kidding - it is really the shirt).

Allens (a local Utah supermarket chain that happens to be the only one close to my house) is most unequivocally retarded. Want some soap? Try the soap isle! Want some shampoo? It's on the other side of the store with the yarn and wood chips. Beverages? Under the employee bathroom sink. Cereal? Randomly scattered among the fresh fruits and vegetables (which are on opposite sides of the store).

Frozen pizzas are located 3 blocks down in a safe submerged in acid with laser beam-shooting sharks and armed guards perched atop an inaccessable platform with spikes protruding from underneath and motion tracking missile tourets. Also, there are dogs that shoot bees out of their mouths when they bark.

Milk is in the dairy section.