Posted by sam at July 20th, 2005

    Everyone at work found my blog.  I’m not sure what their interest is in learning about my interest in robots and pissing people off, but this post is especially for them, my dear readers at work.  Come to think of it, I don’t know why any of you freaks read this garbage.

    Anywho … we got a new water cooler at work.  In the coporate husssle and bussle environment, the water cooler is an integral part to office culture.  Besides being the place of inappropriate conversation, gossip mining, and the place to find out about underground office cock fights, it is a place to … uhm … get water if you’re thirsty.

    Our old water cooler consisted of not actually any water, except in its frozen form of ice.  Yes, our last water cooler was actually an ice chest.  The kind with the little shovel to dispense the ice to your cup.  You had to get there in the morning or it was all gone.  Also, in true Utah fashion, the ice tasted like dirt.

    So I guess someone wasn’t happy with the dirt ice and talked the higher-ups into buying a new revolutionary X2000 oversized R2D2 ice fabricating automagical water dispensifier.

    The X2000 oversized R2D2 ice fabricating automagical water dispensifier features dual motion sensing dispensifiers for ice an water.  Actually, I guess you could say that it just dispenses water.  Water and frozen water. 

    So the idea is that you simply put your cup underneath the water or frozen water dispenser and it will automagically know you’re there and dispense it’s sweet necter.  But, like automagical sinks, automagical hand dryers, automagical doors, and Ford’s - the concept is nice but it just doesn’t work.

    Instead of dispensing ice when you put your cup up, it sits there and does nothing.  So you start wiggling the cup around to try to trip the sensor.  As soon as you move your cup away, it starts dispensing forzen water, and continues to do so up until you put your cup underneath it again.  So you start moving your cup some more and ice ends up everywhere.  A bunch on the floor, and a few pieces in your cup.

    Let me tell you about the frozen water.  It’s the most technologically advanced non-dense ice I have ever seen.  Room temperature water melts the “ice” in less then a few minutes, and doesn’t even cool down the drink.

    And it still tastes like dirt.

    The awesome thing about the X2000 oversized R2D2 ice fabricating automagical water dispensifier is that it looks like a rocket ship and could probably fly to the moon.  Also, I think it has advanced AI and voice recognition so you can carry on about who in the office is sleeping with who, and who is gay, etc.  with the ice maker itself, you don’t even need to get the co-workers involved.

You: Hey X2000 oversized R2D2 ice fabricating automagical water dispensifier
x2000: Good day sir, how may I be of service?
You: Did you hear that Susie Q is actually an alien from outer space?
x2000: oh, no she did-int!!
You: Yeah, she ate Bill McGorgins brains last night
x2000: that slut!

You get the idea…